Three Is Not Enough
by Pseudotree
Summary: Collaboration with Kildred. After an encounter with a... stranger, Kyon finds himself begrudgingly taking notes on Haruhi.


A collaboration between Pseudotree and Kildred.

Disclaimer –We do not own The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi.

Summary- Collaboration with Kildred. After an encounter with a... stranger, Kyon finds himself begrudgingly taking notes on Haruhi.

O

Three Is Not Enough

Chapter 1- Chance Encounter with the Fourth Kind?! How Troublesome...

Walking down the street a block away from home, I noticed how strangely quiet it was. Save a few families running around getting ready for the trip to the beach, the usual bustle in this part of town was nowhere to be seen.

"_Dad!_ Let me hold the beach ball!!"

"Did you pack the screen, dear? Dear?"

"Then he told me to tell..."

Thinking back, it felt like forever since I last went on a vacation to one. I vaguely remember my sister chasing some poor fish, getting ice-cream on the parasol, nearly being run over by a hungry mob going for the hot-dog stand, my face smashing painfully onto a rather elaborate bikini-top...

...Hmm, I wonder if Asahina-san likes trips to the beach...

"Stop daydreaming, you idiot!"

Then my mind snapped back to reality as a pair of passersby... passed me by, and amidst the yelling I remembered why I woke up so early on the first day of summer vacation. For goodness sake, Haruhi! Why does the club meeting have to be on the other side of town?! Each and every piece of the side walk seem to stretch on forever and ever, and for one addled moment I wondered if I'm trapped in an infinite loop.

"...out of HERE!"

"Mommy, why is that man in a hurr-"

An ache coursed through my head as the yell rang throughout, and my eyes focused irritatedly onto the source of the loudness breaking the morning's silence.

Crazily running limbs.

Incoherently shouting mouth.

And the most gaudy, green sweater vest I have ever seen. Damn, it's loud.

Gasping, the strange runner looked as if he was about to faint, and kept looking all around himself like he was searching for an escape. Err, I suppose I should be on my way... wouldn't want Haruhi to-

"...Darn, too many... damn it..."

Thud.

Hair mussed and pressed onto the wall of a convenience store, he collapsed onto the ground between two buildings, somehow reminiscent of a soldier taking cover while resting. Resting, and... wait, he _is_ just resting, right?

"..."

"...hrmph..." Cautiously, I approached the motionless man as it occurred that I was the closest to him out of everyone on the block (most of whom just... went their way), feeling as apprehensive as I would when petting lions. Half expecting the stranger to suddenly jump and go ballistic at any moment, I asked in a low tone- "Excuse me- are you okay?" From here, I could see his chest moving up and down as he panted.

He then slowly opened his eyes at a speed that made my skin crawl, so when his disturbingly blank stare actually reached it was almost a relief. "...Whe-whoa...?"

Then, despite how troublesome it could obviously be, I replied to the incoherent man for reasons unknown. "Would you like some help?"

* * *

"Whew! That's _much_ better!"

Downing a second can, he thrust his head back on the bench and looked over at me. "Thanks, I really needed a drink."

That he did- if it weren't for the way he dressed, I would have mistaken him for a marathon runner for the sheer amount of perspiration alone. Come to think of it...

"So, let me get this straight... you're here to start a... research project?"

"Err, yeah. It's kind of an... independent one." At my sceptical expression, he added- "But really, I'm approaching this in a professional manner, I tell you!"

In this town? Just what could have piqued people's fascination to come here for scholarly study? Oh, _righttt_... the Alien-Esper-Time-Traveller thing...

Hiding a smirk I got from imagining this strange man chasing Nagato with a butterfly net, I asked lightly- "So, what is it that you're studying here? Minerals? Social behaviour?" My club members?

"...Well, you could sort of say... um, social behaviour..." Hey, hey- what's with the overly done eye-aversion?

After a little while, he told me offhandedly that he just came from Tokyo a couple of hours ago, a day after his high school let out, which was a bit of a surprise as I thought he was a university student. No, more importantly, he didn't look like he just moved here from another city- with his loose attire and sock-lessness, the quirky "fellow" sitting beside me seemed more like he woke up early in the morning to pick up milk from the grocery store.

"So you see..." he went on as I only half-listened. "...the deal with that 'Ross' character from Friends is that-"

"...Huh?" Wondering why he suddenly stopped his fervent rant on the American sitcom, I turned my attention from the piece of fluff sticking out of my shirt to look at his... mortified face, then to the direction he was-

"...sure that he ran away around... Yuki, look over..."

Oh. Crap. The meeting.

"Aw, great- looks like she actually dragged everyone to find-"

"...FOUND ME!" Flailing his arms, Gaudy Green panicked even further as he drew attention to himself. "DAMN! She spotted... s-she spotted _you_ with me, too!"

...What?

Lunging at me, my heart stopped beating for the moment I thought he was going to attack. But instead he grabbed my hand and did something far worse.

"GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!"

He made me _run_ with him. I can feel my legs aching already...

Soon, Haruhi and the others were just mere dot in the horizon as the crazy loon half-dragged me across the avenue. Blurring past onlookers, I contemplated whether to flee from him or knock him out the moment he lets me go. Hmm, I think I'll pick the latter- anything to lessen all this _running_...

"Finally!" Looking as if he found sanctuary, my eyes widened as the nut has managed to disturb me even more by rounding us into a-

"Perfectly. Secluded. Corner."

Oh god I really don't like the way he keeps panting so heavily... Okay, calm down- if I can just land a good punch on him I'm sure he'll stay unconsci-

"...nobody will see it here so-"

Goddamn, I may just have to flee after a-

SMACK-PlONK

And with that bizarre clapping noise, we were gone.

* * *

"..."

Drip

"GRAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!"

That was the first thing I heard as the disorientation started to leave, only to be replaced by an earache. It just wasn't my day, is it?

"OW hot-hot-hot... man that burns..."

Alright, so what did this lunatic- wait, this isn't the dark, dirty alley with the M-rated doodles all over that we were in just a moment ago...

"Almost... done with..."

And why is there smoke coming out from his flailing hand? What the... is he _juggling_ something?

Pok

"..." I reigned in the silence as I stared at the steaming potato that fell from the nut's palm.

"Finally! I didn't think I could last so long this time."

"...Is that... were you playing 'hot potato' just now?" I asked, feeling my headache grow.

"Hmm? Oh, yes- you see, it's part of the side effect of spontaneous transportation. The workings are... kind of complicated."

"Spontaneous transportation?" Wait a minu-

"Yes, spontaneous transportation." then, puffing himself up in this really irritating way- "For I'm a _Teleporter_."

A _what?_ "You must be kiddin- actually, never mind. Why _not?_" I'm in a clique with supernatural phenomenons, after all.

"And, you see, I was trying to study the source of the mass influx of-"

"You mean Haruhi." Hey, what's with that look?

"Haru... You... _know her?_"

Then it started to click together. "And you...were _running away_ from your subject?"

"Uh, I didn't want to make direct contacts, or anything. I'm suppose to be the one researching her, after all..."

You don't need to look so uncomfortable. "So, you're like, from another faction or something?"

"Well, no. Like I said, the study's independent."

Ugh. Oh no. Oh no no no no... I can just imagine it now- this bozo here trying to keep his ass hidden as he follows us around, getting mixed up in our zany adventures as he makes things more complicated than it already is...

"...so Chandler's role in the series can be seen as a-"

"I'll help."

"...What?"

"I'll help you take notes. I'm already... her friend anyway, so whatever I do shouldn't affect her behaviour too much." In fact, I'll gladly eat Koizumi's gym shorts if I have to. Anything that'll make my life a little less complicated.

GLOMP. _Gaaah!_

"Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you..." Aw, geeze. You don't have to cry, man!

Then, remembering the question that's been bugging me, I pulled him off with all my might. It wasn't easy. "So, um, tell me something. ("Sure! Anything!") I understand that you wanted us out of the alley, but..." I expanded my arms "Why a public washroom?"

Creaaaak. Clop Clop. "Aaahhh! Perverts!" ClopclopSLAM.

"...A public woman's washroom..."

"Ah, um... it's hard to explain, but basically we were sent here because it was the next most secluded area."

Don't scratch your head so innocently, you imbecile!

Walking silently, we managed to sneak out unnoticed, and found that we were only a mile away from where I lived. Ah, yes- I remember this park... "By the way, err..."

"Toudo. Call me Toudo."

"Right. So, Toudo- what happens if you just drop the potato early?"

"I get kicked on the junk." Stare. "No, seriously."

Nothing really happened between the two of us as we made plans and eventually went our separate ways for the day. But not before we made a detour so that he can buy some milk from the local grocery store.

* * *

"Okay... here I go."

Tok. Tok tok tok tok tok tok tok...

"Kyon! Where have you BEEN?!"

Not so loud, Haruhi! We're in public!

"Not so loud, Haruhi. It's not good for your health."

Gosh, the girl certainly have a way with words. If it had been anyone else, they would be broken down and sobbing by now from this _unholy torrent_ she's unleashing. What would your mother say, Haruhi? What would she say if she heard the kind of language you use?

"Um, Haruhi-san, please calm down." Ah, thank you Asahina-san. My ear had enough excitement for the day.

While she did her best to calm the temperamental girl down, Koizumi came up to me as I approached Nagato, just making out the words "...then Spot began to frolic..." from her new book. "So, what did I miss?"

"Well, while we were waiting for you, Haruhi caught that strange man appearing out of nowhere from the corner of her eyes, and began chasing. We eventually managed to convince her that it was a trick of the light, and..." Hey, what's with that grin, you jerk? It's creepier than usual!

"Kyon! Hey, Kyon!" Huh, she's all calm now, as if she wasn't just threatening to mutilate my manhood three minutes ago. Eh... is there something on my face?

"I saw you," Saw me? "I saw you running away with that weird guy we were chasing. You know him, don't you?"

OK, so she did saw us, after all. Know him? Why... w-what's with that look, Haruhi? Stop it, you're making me uncomfortable! I... why are you looking so...

"...Just... what kind of a _relationship_ do you have with him?"

...expectant. CRAP.

I somehow avoided further discussion with her for the rest of the day as I briefly explained Toudo's situation to Koizumi. As he rubbed his chin thoughtfully amongst Haruhi's antics in the background, I was about to try sneaking out of the scene to go to the men's room when the Esper spoke. "That's... rather strange..."

"Yeah, the guy's completely bonkers."

"No, I mean... it feels as if there's more to it than he's letting on. As if he's hiding from something... or someone."

Hiding? Well, he did seem a fearful guy.

While the rest of the stuff that the talkative Esper had to say went over my head, I thought back to what Toudo said as a reply to my question before he had to go.

"_Just wondering- why are you so interested in this research? Scholarly fascination?"_

"_You could say that..."_

_A faraway look crossed his face, and the single word he uttered was whispered, almost unheard. "...I'm close..."_

O

Pseudotree's Note

Writing in (a straightforward) Kyon's first person was something I was interested in trying for a while now, and I've gotten to do so with this one- sweet! Updates for this, by the way, will probably come out slow and irregularly, since both me and Kildred's got other projects on our plate.

Kildred's Note

I was here.


End file.
